A few weeks ago, a fellow blogger, mother and daughter in pain, shared an all too familiar tale about her mothers decision to reject her. I read her words and felt every bit of angst and confusion that I too have felt by the rejection and intentional neglect from my own mother. I felt compelled to respond, to support her and share with her my struggles in the comment posted below. This is a common issue, usually known as maternal narcissism. There are pages and pages of information on it if you take the time to Google it. It is actually quite scary how indiscreet and damaging it's effects can be.
Here's Penny's at Foster to Forever's original post. http://foster2forever.com/2012/04/rejection-of-my-mother.html A great, authentic tale of the hurt just a few actions or lack of action (in her case) can cause. I hope you can find encouragement and light in these tough to tell tales.
"Penny – I feel your pain. I too have had a multitude of
disappointments that stem from my mother’s lack of empathy, love or
kindness. There is a term for this kind of parental hurt and
destruction. I was made aware of it about a year ago – it rocked my
world to say the least. I learned my entire childhood was a joke, I was
raised by a woman who never wanted me. I am reading a book now called
“Children of the Self Absorbed”by Nina Brown. It has opened my eyes
beyond words to the abuse, verbal and emotional that I too experienced.
The actual term is parental destructive narcissism. They cannot see it,
they will never change it, and nothing can be done about it. Some of the
best things to do are sever ties with that person. I am still miles
from being “recovered” from the pain I endured, but the craziest part of
all of it – no one ever thought this was a possibility. The DNP’s
biggest weapon is their mouth and usually in private. I am still working
through the details and trying to recognize all the symptoms, but this
book is quite encouraging for you, the adult child, who is still reeling
from the effects of this parent. Here’s an article with a brief snip it
from her book. http://www.wmeades.com/id211.htm"
Thank you so much for reaching out to me. Since the rejection of our adoption, I had cut ties with my mom & she is actually working on having a relationship with my kids. That's never happened! She's actually trying but things will never be the same. The trust is broken & I can't feel that vulnerable & rejected again. With her health failing, I hope my lack of feeling now won't later be replaced by guilt. That's just the chance I have to take right now, I guess. Big hugs!!!
ReplyDeleteI am glad that cutting ties, seems to have been the wake up call that your mother needed. I think there is hope in what seemed to be a rather hopeless situation. I am amazed when I see people like my mother, who are completely incapable of seeing their wrongs and only see the wrong doings of others. I am glad for your children's sake that will at least have some relationship with your mother. I am prayerful that your relationship with her can be fully restored.
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